You must have seen a bride crying and weeping during marriages. But yesterday, I saw the groom with wet eyes, (of course, not for the same reasons as bride) but it was a touching moment when his 3 sisters came on the stage and performed a dance sequence on the song “Pyaare Bhaiyaa” being played in the background.
Certainly the love showered couldn’t be well understood other than him. So as others were busy looking over their shoulders to see if the buffet has started yet or not, I was busy taking a mental note of the emotional moment to write about it because it gave me another fuel to harp and bash the old customary – Real Men do not cry.
Why it touched me is the simple reason that crying men is a sort of taboo in society.
You, if are a man, shall not be crying. It is as much hated and misunderstood as other public displays of affection.
And may I have the leverage and permission to ask why it is so? Why we men cannot cry?
Why PDAs fall in the category of characterless behavior?
Because machoism has always been the men charisma. It’s always expected from a man to be tough and have the ability to carry his own and families responsibility. He has to have a strong shoulders otherwise he is not respected. While crying has always been considered a sign of weakness, men have themselves kept a distance from such emotions.
It has been our upbringing since old times that prohibits the male from expressing his feelings through softer ways rather than anguish, anger and pain. If you look at the divide, girls and boys can laugh together on a comic scene during a movie but when a tear gland affecting scene comes, it’s only a girl who can show her emotions and is allowed to admit that she was moved by the scene and crying is permissible for her. But a boy can do all but cry and admit even if he wants to. Because his PDA will not be considered in the same light as used to judge a girl.
But now the times are changing, the first time I remember the depiction of a sensitive man was one in the commercial of Raymonds. It was a new change. Subtly it made its way in the social strata and is a standing pillar now giving support to the other side of macho psyche.
The era of stiff upper lips is gone and we men are more allowed to show the gentle and softer side of our emotions. Ofcourse, nobody will accept a man crying on the drop of a hat but for inevitable and right reasons,, it’s perfectly alright for him to cry and reveal his emotions in public too.
Coming back to yesterday’s party, while the bride’s father was talking to me about how he brought up his only child. I could really sense his voice breaking at moments but he was holding himself very tight not to reveal his love for her otherwise he would have burst into tears. Once he even said – “Maine koi kami nahi chodi iski parwarish mein, saare gun sikhaye hai….(pause) aur ab dekho…yeh jaa rahi…” Rest all was said by the eyes. She was standing at the other side talking with her new family.
It’s like a private close door show for a man, because if he cries in public and what if nobody holds him and comfort him. This mighty blow of non-appreciation will shatter him more than any other thing. It’ll be a scar that will be there forever on his heart.
Most men have cry but away from the public view. Men feel that like picking one’s nose in private, crying is also an extremely personal affair. Men in general have cried at the loss of a loved one, leaving your loved ones and moving to a different country, loss of job & the death of a loved one . Like the certain inevitable truths in life, the reasons for shedding a tear are justified and it no longer remains a taboo if a guy cries for the right reasons in public .
* – Photo of Crying Macho Man is taken from the comic strip of same name.