The appraisal season is back. With the last year recession thing hitting the employees hard on their backbone, this year appraisal is the most coveted and most eagerly waited event.
With speculations doing the round, are also some funny mails which shows how the appraisal process is carried out across the industry. The plot is the appraisal meeting between an employee and his manager. So just read it and enjoy. I am quite sure, all the working people will be able to relate the pity character to themselves.
The curtain opens…………….
Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding.
So, your rating is “average”.
Kumar: What? How come ‘average’?
Big Boss: Because…err…uhh…you lack domain knowledge.
Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this
project as a domain consultant.
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has
eroded this year.
Big Boss: Yes, I didn’t see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.
Big Boss: This is what I don’t like about you. You give excuse for
Kumar: Huh? *Confused*
Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on “Business
Communication”, you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?
Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr…well..I mean, you need to improve your Social
Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
Big Boss: See! That’s why you need to learn about it.
Kumar: *head spinning*
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys
you recruited left within 2 months.
Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and
review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them
even attempted suicide.
Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err…anyway, I tried to give you
a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only ‘average’.
Kumar: Last year that process gave me ‘excellent’. This year just
‘average’? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
Big Boss: That’s a complicated process. You don’t want to hear.
Kumar: I’ll try to understand. Go ahead.
Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of
sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever
lands on the floor gets ‘average’, whichever lands on table gets ‘good’,
whichever we manage to catch gets ‘excellent’ and whichever gets stuck to
ceiling gets ‘outstanding’.
Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets ‘poor’ rating?
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for
Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old
The curtain closes…….