I confess that I am a sinner. I accept that I am a sinner. I did most of the sins knowingly very much in my consciousness. But then I don’t regret for any of them. It was my Karma. I did it and may be am not proud of it but am certainly not regretful. For one thing, I don’t fear the God or the Demon, so I don’t fear committing sins. I don’t ask for forgiveness from anybody.
I sinned with a reason, without a reason. I sinned for myself, for others. It doesn’t matter anymore because I liked committing sins. I didn’t need a reason, I didn’t need a cause. I was not a sinner by birth. I loved GOD in my childhood. I loved to read about Him, to know more about Him. I thought of Him as my friend. But then, I saw that others don’t love Him, they fear Him more so than demons too. They feared Him for all the wrong reasons.
People told me that I should do what is mentioned in holy books, for otherwise He will be angry with me. I didn’t believe them. I was not ready to hear that He can ever get angry with me. I trusted Him like a best friend. But as I grew, I lost faith in Him. I was more knowledgeable now with materialistic information. I dumped Him on the grounds of falsity and fakeness. I couldn’t believe that whom I considered my best friend never existed. Was it a perversion of truth, a deceit on his part? Did he dump me otherwise? I wept that day. I cried like a baby. My sobbing choked my throat. My eyes were red with tears flowing. I felt myself a loner that day. I was alone. I have nobody to talk, to share. I became angry. I cursed myself for my foolishness. I wasted a considerable piece of life for Him.
Then a prophet came to me. He rested his heavy palms on my back and soothed me. He taught me the laws of world, he taught me to reason, to logic, to question, to think, to react, to invent, to destroy and I took all these things personally against my friend. I fought with His fellows, I shunned His books. I refused to give in to the writings wherein He wanted me to surrender before Him. There were too many clauses to follow. So I sinned as I didn’t follow His words. I never wanted Him to order me what to do. I sinned by doing things that the prophet told me which were prohibited otherwise. I didn’t regret because I had logic, a reason behind my deeds. As the day passed by, I forgot my dear friend. I was happy with my friend – the Prophet. But this happiness was short lived. My grey matter was increasing and the prophet was getting weaker day by day. He hasn’t much in the closet to offer me now. My reasons were not defined clearly now. My questions fell flat on the previous logic. It was all tearing apart. I needed help again and thought of my long lost friend. I wished He would have been with me…
And then I felt He was there listening me. I could sense His presence. I just couldn’t say anything. I felt light and relaxed. He never spoke a single word but I could understand Him now. He was always there with me, for me, in me. He never asked me to surrender. He never wrote anything. I was the one in delusion. I stabbed Him under the influence of others. But He was always with me. He was just there waiting for me to learn and come back to Him. And He accepted me with a warm and open heart. We became friends again.
Yes, I sinned. I accept I’m a sinner. But my “Original Sin” brought me closer to Him.