Cop’s New Formula: Blood Group A + B = AB

Delhi cops recently came up with a formula that’s gonna take the biological advancement to a whole new level. They found out that blood group A & B when mixed together become blood group AB. At least that was the logic they applied to crack a murder case.

Well it so happened that a couple was murdered 11 years ago. The cops swung into action, found the weapon of offence and caught the culprit. The trial court sentenced the accused to life on the basis of proofs submitted by cops. All said and done, cops solved the case in a wink.

The accused then appealed in the high court and during the hearing a new goof-up came into light which was even ignored at the trial court.

In a desperate attempt to crack a double murder with no eyewitnesses, these policemen planted blood group AB on the weapon of offence thinking it would explain the killing of a man and his wife who had blood groups A and B, respectively. The trick fell flat before the Delhi high court, which caught the fraud while hearing the appeal of Deepak Kaul, who was sentenced to life by a trial court for killing his uncle V N Kaul and his wife Shanti Kaul 11 years ago. Apparently, some policemen overzealously planted the blood (AB group) on the weapon thinking that blood group A and B would become AB.

This news I read in newspaper certainly made me laugh with a fear underlying it. It was like a shiver that was searching for a spine to run up and it found mine. I really am numb and nervous and don’t know whether to laugh at the situation or to fear the horrendous plotting cops can involve into.

Another thing that strikes me is whether there are any qualification criteria for the job of police. This elementary biological stunt that they tried to apply was so dumb on their part. I am clueless whether or not they have any grey matter inside their head. If this is their way solving cases in a wink, god only knows how many more blunders have they created and how many innocent people had been framed up to support their “Meticulous” spying techniques.

In the end, again in the good faith of a common man, I just hope that this doesn’t happen evrywhere across India.

JAI HIND.

Spit it Out – Aaak Thooo….

Yaark-thoo! Hey, watch it! Bloody hell. You almost got me. Sorry, where was I? Ah, yes. The decoding of the Indian genome.

A team of CSIR scientists has, for the first time, unravelled the secrets that lie with the desi genome, using a sample taken from a 52-year-old DNA donor. A genome is like a map that helps us to chart our genetic karma who and what we are, and what makes us tick and why. By studying the genetic sequences in the genome, scientists will be able to figure out why Indians are predisposed to diabetes , for instance, or coronary disease. Important as these revelations about blood sugar and dicky hearts undoubtedly will be, i’m hoping that the decoded genome will explain something seemingly far more fundamental to our inner being than a propensity to insulin deficiency and cardiac problems, something that identifies us Indians as Indians, whether we are in India or anywhere else on the face of the planet, North and South Poles, the Amazon basin, and the top of Mt Everest not excluded. What’s that something? Spitting.

Indians spit. Caste, creed and sex no bar. The frequent and energetic ejection of saliva despite the cautionary notices put up in our post offices, ‘Do not affix stamp with sputum’ spitting is not just a national pastime; it is a national passion. More than kabaddi, or kho-kho, or IPL, spitting is our true desi sport. And we practise it assiduously wherever we happen to be: on the streets, in bazaars, on railway platforms and bus addas and airports, in offices and schools and factories and restaurants and shops and… Yaark-thoo! Godalmighty! That’s the second time someone’s almost got me in the space of a single column.

How do we do it? Where does it all come from? The spit. The saliva. The sputum. The product of the salivary glands. What is it about our biological make-up that enables us to produce so much of the stuff that we seem to be forever having to get rid of it, expel it from our systems, lest through excess of it, surfeiting, our appetite for it would sicken and die.

Gutka helps. So do paans and paan masala. The scarlet and red and crimson splotches and splashes and streaks that our public buildings and streets are decorated with as though they were a form of folk art, like the ancient cave paintings in Bhimbhetka and other places bear witness to their efficacy as salivary stimulants, the Viagras of sputum. But though gutka and paans contribute to the phenomenon, they cannot explain it in its enigmatic entirety.

By and large or rather, by and small we Indians are not big people. True, the richer among us tend to be overweight. But for every XL Indian there are thousands, hundreds of thousands, of scrawny Indians. So, being small and skinny for the most part, how is it that we generate so much spit, the only natural resource which we seem to be in no danger of running out of? Where do we get it from, and where’s it stored? Do we possess a natural receptacle, like a kangaroo’s pouch, except inside rather than outside, where the stuff is tucked away till we thook! it out?

The decoded genome should tell us all this, and more. Or maybe not. Maybe our desi habit of spitting has got nothing to do with our genes. Maybe our spitting is not so much a genetic consequence as a social and political comment. Read a newspaper. Or watch the news on TV. Or just look around you.

Scams. Swindles. Satyam. Koda. Hawala. Telangana riots. Anti-Telangana riots. Anti-anti-Telangana riots. Political corruption. Bureaucratic corruption. Judicial corruption. Corruption corruption, where you have to bribe someone to accept a bribe.

Leave a bad taste in the mouth? So how do you get rid of it? That’s right, Yaark-thoo!

Can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

Courtesy:  Times of India

PAA – A special relation

PAA- The story of a boy suffering from a rare disease named Progeria – a rare genetic disorder that causes children to age prematurely. Now I watched this movie with a notion that it is yet again a timeless movie but it failed me to my expectation. First I’ll talk about the movie and then about the characters.

The movie as a whole was very good. The best thing in the movie was its emotional balance. The topic was very sensitive but instead of showing the sufferings and portraying sentiments over the top, the director was very much focused on to make a light entertainer. Having said that, the movie was not entirely focused on Auro. The unnecessary plot of a young M.P making a move to kick the butts of rivals and to clean the dirty hands of politics was not a justifiable move. The plot was very naïve when you see how easily our heroic MP give everyone a lesson of wholesome goodness through his unusual and honest ways. Ideally, I like it very much but I dismiss the idea on practical basis.

The world of Auro was full of good things and I appreciate it more than anything. Although the children were depicted a little more mature than it required of their age but for the flow of story I’ll accept it. Auro as a child has accepted his fate and is not worried. He instead looks on life as fun. He has the support of his family and friends. Some good and funny scenes have been put which helps the movie grow over its underlying sadness which one can always feel on seeing Auro. His deteriorating condition fills the viewer with a sense of pity. But then Auro has this fighting spirit which keeps him going with respect and rejuvenate the hearts of viewer.

As for the characters, Arudhanti Naag’s portrayal of a grandmother was authentic and fresh. Vidya Balan’s role as a single mother was beautifully sketched and perfectly played. Abhishek was found dwindling as his efforts for a cleaner India were affected by his personal life. His bond with his on-screen father Paresh Rawal was not promising. His attitude was beyond my scope to understand.

And last but not the least, Big B was great as Auro, but certainly not the best. I don’t feel this was his best. I know what he is capable of and he has done much stronger roles than this. Just because this was a different role doesn’t qualify as Big B’s best. He is known for variant flavor anyway. He did justice to the role, but I would say that this role was just not fit for him. His body stat was too bulky for a 12 year old boy. He looked different from the rest of class.

All in all, I would say it was a nice drama with all the emotional balance in place. A good movie to enjoy with family. But never go with the expectation of a lifetime performance from Big B. It’s not.

Recapturing 26/11 – Terror

26/11 – Last year, India’s economic heart was attacked. Casualties happened; terror was all over, commandos and police in action, netas and public in reaction. The whole country got involved and prayed and wept and help by any means they can and vowed for a better India..

Media was all over the place covering everything in details and putting it on air. No idea who they were helping. General public was terrified after knowing the news. Army and police were not comfortable with the way media was covering the news. Terrorists were most benefited with the coverage. After 1 year to that incident, today I see the very same India with the very same spirit. Nothing’s changed. Everybody seemed to have moved on. And why shouldn’t they. This is all what a common man do. To forget the past and move on.

The thing is all the way long for one year, I was quite affirmative on the advancement and preparation being done by Government for terror combat. Then yester night, the media again aired the news on how safe is Mumbai 1 year after the attack. They went on different places, did all the research and found the loop holes, compiled it and aired it on TV under breaking news package.

Now guess who would be benefited most this time. I need not answer this, as for the public, they were better off with the illusion that some steps have been taken and are safe than to know about how unsafe they are.

Government need not know this news because of two reasons:

1. They probably already knew this.
2. They are not gonna do anything even after knowing this.

So all in all, this compilation would prove helpful to the terrorist, I suppose. A lot of effort on their part has been saved, thanks to our brainless media. Why do they adhere to this stupidity? I refuse to accept the reason behind this as TRP. Nobody can behave with such idiocy and keep on doing that without any shame.

Is it that we have between us got a new species that can be held in regards as much as politicians who have got their soul rotten to the core and the media is fast approaching their position. And looking at their performance we can be assured that media will soon become the Next-Gen menace leaving the politicians behind. 

26/11 is a black day in Indian history and it’s not only for the government to wake up. This requires everybody to realize their own duties. Media on the other hand need to work more on their part because I certainly can feel that the pressure to provide news on a 24 x 7 basis is forcing them to create news out of thin air and is bringing the dark side of freedom they have with them.

In the end, I dedicate this song from Border movie to the victims and martyrs:

Jung to chand roz hoti hai…..

Zindagi barson talak roti hai….. 

Sannate ki gehri chhanv
Khaamoshi se jalte gaanv
Ye nadiyon par toote huey pul
Dharti ghaayal aur vyaakul
Ye khet gamon se jhulse huey
Ye khaali raste sehme huey
Ye maatam karta saara samaa
Ye jalte ghar ye kaala dhuaan
Ye jalte ghar ye kaala dhuaan
Hoho..

Hmmm..
Mere dushman mere bhai mere humsaaye
Mere dushman mere bhai mere humsaaye
Mujhse tujhse hum donon se ye jalte ghar kuchh kehte hain
Barbaadi ke saari manzar kuchh kehte hain
Hay..
Mere dushman mere bhai mere humsaaye
Hoho…

Hmmm..
Baarood se bojhal saari fiza
Hai maut ki dhoop hai laati hava
Zakhmon pe hai chhaayi laachaari
Dariyon mein hai khilti beemaari
Ye marte bachche haathon mein
Ye maaon ka rone raaton mein
Murda basti murda hai nagar
Chehre patthar hain dil patthar
Chehre patthar hain dil patthar
Hoho..

Hmm..
Mere dushman mere bhai mere humsaaye
Mere dushman mere bhai mere humsaaye
Mujhse tujhse hum donon sun ye patthar ghar kuchh kehte hain
Barbaadi ke saari manzar kuchh kehte hain
Hay..
Mere dushman mere bhai mere humsaaye
Hoho…

Hmmm..
Mere dushman mere bhai mere humsaaye
Chehron ke dilon ke ye patthar ye jalte ghar
Barbaadi ke saare manzar sab mere nagar sab tere nagar
Ye kehte hain
Is sarhad par pulkaarega kab tak nafrat ka ye ajgar
Kab tak nafrat ka ye agrak
Is sarhad par pulkaarega kab tak nafrat ka ye ajgar
Hum apne apne kheton mein gehoon ki jagah chaawal ki jagah
Ye bandookein kyon bote hain
Jab donon hi ki galiyon mein kuchh bhookke bachche rote hain
Kuchhbhookhe bachche rote hain
Aa khaayein kasam
Ab jung nahin hone paaye
Aa khaayein kasam
Ab jung nahin hone paaye
Aur us din ka rasta dekhein
Jab khil uththay tera bhi chaman
Jab khil uththay mera bhi chaman
Tera bhi watan mera bhi watan
Mera bhi watan tera bhi watan
Tera bhi watan mere bhi watan

Hoho..
Mere dost mere bhai mere humsaaye
Mere dost mere bhai mere humsaaye
Hoho..
Hmmm..
Aaa…

An Engineer’s Letter…

I found this letter quite amusing not because of the funny language but thining of the guy who wrote it. If only our mother India produces such engineer’s no wonder why the infrastructure is expired before inaugration. Why the IT companies hire the mass on alms and giving us a hard time.

So much can be written on the hidden plight of all engineer’s found embedded in this letter but that will just go against the spirit of letter. Sometimes explaination steal the sweetness and soul of matter which is better the way it is in brief. So without wasting my time on blabbering more and more like out forefront leaders I directly present to you:

 

Jai Hind

Just like that….Bakwaas !!!!

A lot hapened yesterday in Mumbai.

 I finished some work that was pending for long, after my manager gave me a final warning.                                                                                                                                   The news of the cyclone “Fyaan” coming towards Mumbai but missed it.             The match between India and Australia didn’t happened due to rain.             The worst thing is Indian team got caught partying with their pics released and News channel making breaking news out of it.

Nothing more can be said about my work, so jumping on to the second point, “Fyaan” came in the news and not in mumbai. Good for Mumbaikars, but my office didn’t called the day off as others did and that set me on fire. I was so excited to go and watch the match in the second half and thought that this cyclone couldn’t had a timing better than this. But destiny it seems is always fallible in my case. As the news of early closing of offices came, so came the news of cancellation of the match. Like this was not enough for me, my office didn’t announced the half-day holiday. “Bhagwaan jaane kitna kaam rehta hai. Andhi toofaan mein bhi kaam karna hai inko.”

I reached home in the night at around 10:00 PM and found my flat partners grinning. I instantly got the point that they got the day off. Nothing can be more frustating than seeing my buddies at rest without me and more on before me.

And also India slipped one rank below to number 3 in rating and it surely calls for a celebration and so the Indian players rocked the floor and their pics were unleashed in the morning and were rocking the news channel. Now what the hell is the problem with media. Why shouldn’t they enjoy their life. Is it all about playing and winning only? Why can’t the media for once just air the news as it is without the use of spices. I know Dal tadka is hot favourite but normal “Dal-Bhaat” should be served instead. Arrey baba, inki jeb se paise nikal ke to party ki nahi thi…ki yeh naraaz ho gaye…Saalon ko bulaay nahi honge..tabhi badhak uthe…Why would any sane person call these morons? Bulaate to aur video bhi le lete then they would have started analyzing different postures and grooving moves of players. 2-3 days ka kaam to ho jaata. In gadho ko moot bhari tanki mein dubo ke marna chahiye….(I’m sorry, language is getting degraded word by word and so are my thoughts…) Better to end this blog right here. When my sanity will return, may be I’ll write a gentlemen type blog, with good words that only gentlemen use. Lekin yeh saale kutton ko woh suit nahi karega….yeh kamine is layak….ohk sorry sorry… I’m ending now…

Keep visiting friends…Bye   Bye.

An Awakening Weekend

Last weekend I was alone at home. “Mein aur meri tanhai, hum ko apas mein baat karne ka mauka mila kafi samay baad.” I usually like soliloquy,  wherein I can be myself and talk endlessly to myself on numerous topics. It so happened that I was listening to some recent chart-buster songs and I asked a question what makes us tap our foot on music?

Life is so hectic here at mumbai, I barely get time for me. As a self loving man, I miss myself sometimes. Mumbai has stolen my charisma. But that day rekindled in me the same fire I used to have, all because of music. It so happened that day that while listening to the music I felt like dancing. Why? I’m not a dancer, but I couldn’t help shaking my legs. There was something in the music that connected to my heart and I found myself grooving to the tunes. Why I forgot all my worries, all my engagements? For once I just closed my eyes and I felt like a free man, free from all schedules, all routine works. For a moment, it was just me and the music and silence all around. And then I started tapping my foot without notice. My lips were in sync with the lyrics of the song and then a few moment later, my adam’s apple got excited and joined the party and it was a solo orchestra with the imaginative instruments being played at my hand, like a maestro.

Ohhhh lalalala….what a feeling it was? Deep in my breath, I can feel the freshness. Deep in my heart, I can feel the joy. Deep in my soul, I can feel me. Music is something that rejuvenated me that day. I may never understand what happened to me, why all of a sudden a euphoria surrounded me, why I suddenly felt free? All I know is that I was again a carefree boy who knew nothing about the pandora’s box and it’s content. I relived my childhood again, I explored the innocence again, I met my soul again.

Dandia @ Office

So today, we had dandia dance at our office. It’s part of navratri  and dusshera celebration going on for a week now. I being at the client site don’t get too much of exposure to such happening events. All I get exposed to is deadly and scary news and views and reviews and deadlines from my client  and my manager alike. “Choti si umar mein hi bhaari zimme-dari dedi in kandho pe, Kya karoon ab!”  

Neways coming back to the point, so I was fortunately present in the office, while this celebration was going on and to bless me with “Sawa rupiah ka Prasad”, I didn’t even had any work to do. (Eventually I comes to office only when I’m a vella or the client ask me to take my holy presence out of their vicinity so that they can do something productive without finding my poking nose in every Tom Dick and Harry’s affair.) Being voted unanimously as the best “Shaadi Barat wala” dancer once, I have stopped performing and showcasing my talent in public now. So participating in the celebration was completely out of question. And to favor my decision nobody even asked me to participate. I grunted and felt relaxed at their vision of seeing the faltu aadmi  in me.

But my other side had a tickling in the morning and I brought a digital camera to make videos and shoot photos of “khoobsurat Potiyas” in my office whom I hardly able to meet otherwise. But, that bloody security walah snatched the camera from my hands under the pretence of security and I couldn’t do anything. I did what I’m best at – cursing and left the camera behind with the security. Later when the dance program started in evening, I went there with my colleagues and watched others doing dandia. Incidentally my friends were also self-acclaimed dancers like me who believe in no-showcasing of their talent.

Whatever the case be, I enjoyed myself and the occasion. Snacks was being served and I made sure that I had something in my hands and more so in my mouth so that no one asks me to groove. The whole party went well and I felt light after the pressure I was in at the client-site. The end of the day could never have been better than this in office.

Aryan-Dravidian divide – A Myth

The great Indian divide along north-south lines now stands blurred. A path breaking study by Harvard and indigenous researchers on ancestral Indian populations says there is a genetic relationship between all Indians and more importantly, the hitherto believed “fact” that Aryans and Dravidians signify the ancestry of north and south Indians might after all, be a myth.

“This paper rewrites history… there is no north-south divide,” Lalji Singh, former director of the Centre for Cellular and Molecular Biology (CCMB) and a co-author of the study, said at a press conference here on Thursday.

Senior CCMB scientist Kumarasamy Thangarajan said there was no truth to the Aryan-Dravidian theory as they came hundreds or thousands of years after the ancestral north and south Indians had settled in India.

The study analyzed 500,000 genetic markers across the genomes of 132 individuals from 25 diverse groups from 13 states. All the individuals were from six-language families and traditionally “upper” and “lower” castes and tribal groups. “The genetics proves that castes grew directly out of tribe-like organizations during the formation of the Indian society,” the study said. Thangarajan noted that it was impossible to distinguish between castes and tribes since their genetics proved they were not systematically different.

The study was conducted by CCMB scientists in collaboration with researchers at Harvard Medical School,
Harvard School of Public Health and the Broad Institute of Harvard and MIT. It reveals that the present-day Indian population is a mix of ancient north and south bearing the genomic contributions from two distinct ancestral populations – the Ancestral North Indian (ANI) and the Ancestral South Indian (ASI).

“The initial settlement took place 65,000 years ago in the Andaman and in ancient south India around the same time, which led to population growth in this part,” said Thangarajan. He added, “At a later stage, 40,000 years ago, the ancient north Indians emerged which in turn led to rise in numbers here. But at some point of time, the ancient north and the ancient south mixed, giving birth to a different set of population. And that is the population which exists now and there is a genetic relationship between the population within India.”

The study also helps understand why the incidence of genetic diseases among Indians is different from the rest of the world. Singh said that 70% of Indians were burdened with genetic disorders and the study could help answer why certain conditions restricted themselves to one population. For instance, breast cancer among Parsi women, motor neuron diseases among residents of Tirupati and Chittoor, or sickle cell anemia among certain tribes in central India and the North-East can now be understood better, said researchers.

The researchers, who are now keen on exploring whether Eurasians descended from ANI, find in their study that ANIs are related to western Eurasians, while the ASIs do not share any similarity with any other population across the world. However, researchers said there was no scientific proof of whether Indians went to Europe first or the other way round.

Migratory route of Africans

Between 135,000 and 75,000 years ago, the East-African droughts shrunk the water volume of the Lake Malawi by at least 95%, causing migration out of Africa. Which route did they take? Researchers say their study of the tribes of Andaman and Nicobar islands using complete mitochondrial DNA sequences and its comparison those of world populations has led to the theory of a “southern coastal route” of migration from East Africa through India.

This finding is against the prevailing view of a northern route of migration via Middle East, Europe, south-east Asia, Australia and then to India.

 

 

 

Courtesy: Times of India

Light Moments